I’m a jerk. And might even be a Jerkaholic. Least I’ve been told that by more than one person lately. Undeservedly so I believe.
Introspection Needed
But sometimes you need to do a little introspection – take a timeout – to see if what the prevaricating, blasphemous, smellfungus ninnyhammer all-foam no-beer mooncalves are calling you just might be true. Introspective Break Over
That’s long enough. Not interested in paralysis by analysis. They’re wrong. Completely. Mostly completely. Mostly. Okay, I might have been a little off base once when I gave out my Radio co-host’s personal cellphone number on the air – saying it was mine – and anyone that wanted to could call me at any time, 24 x 7. And happened to mention we had forty well-paying jobs available that they might get the inside track on by calling me as much, and as often, as possible – because we were looking for persistence and stick-to-it-iveness in job candidates. That’s not really jerkaholic material. That’s just a radio host trying to generate buzz.
True…
I might have been a little jerky when a good friend asked me to watch his house for two weeks while he was out of the country on vacation with his wife and children. And I took that time to go into his house, take his size 12 expensive dress shoes and replaced them with identical ones … size 10 1/2.
Benny Hill Would Have Understood
Does no one remember Benny Hill? That was a Benny Hill moment. I commiserated and empathized with my friend for two weeks. He was sure he was dying of some circulatory disease that was painfully swelling his feet and causing him immense problems walking – and soon after that, working. So he had to take off work. And watching him walk? It was a Benny Hill of a Mona Lisa. What a hoot. All-time classic. He was quick as a corpse. Who would have ever believed that he’d take it so seriously? He got all psychosomatically sick. I know this because he couldn’t work … until I told him what I’d done. What a psychosomatic man.
But he wasn’t upset at all. I know this because if he were, he would have said something and he hasn’t talked to me since.
A Moaning Lisa
And who would have ever believed his wife (Lisa, ironically enough) would’ve gone so ballistic on me?
Have you ever seen the show SNAPPED? The show that features women going ballistic against males they think deserve it? That was my buddy’s wife. Lisa. She stalked me. I had to get a restraining order against her. Was there any cause for that? Just because her husband couldn’t work and they couldn’t make their mortgage payments and had to sell their house? And truth be told, they didn’t really have to sell their house like they blamed me for. I hooked them up with a banker friend, and they worked some kind of deal out with their bank to just take the house back. Do you know how hard it is to sell a house in this market? But did I get any thanks for that? Noooo. So who’s the jerk there?
Project Recovering Jerkaholic
However, upon some honest introspection, I tentatively concluded there might be a nano-smidgen of almost imperceptible truth to the “jerk” allegations. I decided to speak with Guy Kawasaki on the Radio show to see if he could help me out.
A Jerk in Business & Life
“Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.â
The first thing he recommended was trying to be more likable, because if my friends (ex-friends now) were telling me I was a jerk, imagine what my business contacts be thinking? So …
Becoming More Likable
I told Guy I was hoping some of the info in his book “Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds and Actions” would help prevent me from going to Jerkaholic rehab. ‘Did he think he could help me?”
GUY KAWASAKI: If I can help YOU I need to charge more for my book!
STEVE: My friends often call me prickly – without the “ly.” They said they were considering a jerk intervention on me. They’re wrong of course. But say they weren’t, how could someone be less of a jerk and become more enchanting?
GUY: Let’s start off with the basics, assuming some people donât know they have to be likable. You would think that would be obvious but based on the people I know, it isnât. Some people actually criticize the beginning of my book saying that it starts off too basic, but you know what? If a majority of the people in the world were likable and trustworthy, would have skipped those first two chapters. Itâs just not so. The start of likability is …
A Smile
You need to smile. This smile means you not only use your jaw but you use your eyes. The great smilers of the world have crowâs feet. Crowâs feet is good, Botox is out. You want to have crowâs feet because it adds that extra sparkle to your smile.
STEVE: I think I have that one nailed. But … I don’t really trust people so much that smile, I think they’re up to something. I’ll probably skip that step. The other thing is the eyes. All my friends say I have serial killer eyes. I don’t know where that comes from but…
Dress for a Tie
GUY: The second thing is you need to have the proper dress. You shouldnât dress way above your audience because they might think youâre trying to put them down, you make more money or have better taste. You shouldnât dress way under them because then theyâll think ‘this punk thinks he can wear a t-shirt and jeans when weâre in business attire because he has no respect for us.’ You should dress as peers; try to dress approximately the same as how they are dressed. Dress for a “tie.”
STEVE: See, I get this. But this is beginning to look like a challenge more for others than for me. People never dress for a tie with me. I’m a Kommando Kilt-Wearing King Kayser. They should also try to walk a mile in my kilt every once in a while. They’d realize how utilitarian and classy a manly Kilt can be. If more people wore kilts I’d probably be recognized as the Dana Carvey of the business world.
Oddly, There was  dead air at this point … no idea why.
GUY: The third factor is the perfect handshake, and this is where I put in the 20 variables formula for the perfect handshake that came from the University of Manchester. So no tax dollars from the U.S. were wasted on that. The gist of it is firm handshake, cool, dry, smooth hands, make eye contact, use the smile with 2 muscles, about 2 seconds long, and not too close, not too far. Those are the keys.
STEVE: Got that one nailed too. I’m pretty good with the handshaking stuff.
GUY: The next thing I’d advise is to use the right words when speaking to people. Words are the facial expression of your mind. They communicate your attitude, personality and perspective.
Big Words Seldom Accomplish Big Deeds – Danish Proverb
Your words need to be short, sweet and swallowable. Common and unambiguous. The wrong words can immediately give the wrong impression.
STEVE: No problem. Whenever I talk to the prevaricating, blasphemous, smellfungus ninnyhammer all-foam no-beer mooncalfs that have been calling me a jerk … it’s short, sweet and palatably unswallowable.
Dead Air … Again?
GUY: A journey of a thousand miles requires at least ONE step.
###
Guy Kawasaki has a lot more to say about being likable and becoming “enchanting” in his new book. Things like accepting others, projecting your passion and purpose, and creating win-win situations.
Let’s Make this World a Little Better, One Jerk at a Time
Now  … I’m a recovering jerkaholic work in progress. So if you see me out and about, and you’re not a prevaricating, blasphemous, smellfungus ninnyhammer all-foam no-beer mooncalf … strike up a conversation! Let’s chat! You’ll be participating in “Project RECOVERING JERKAHOLIC” and making this world a little bit better … one jerk at a time.
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Iâve had the good fortune to interview and work with many great storytellers over the last few years. What follows is a series of articles with hard-earned and learned lessons from some exceptional writers, storytellers, and teachers.  One of those people was Robert McKee, the best-selling author of âSTORYâ and legendary guru of Hollywood storytelling, several years ago. The premise of the interview was simple – can the principles of his classic book “STORY” be used in the complex sales process?
SIMPLE CAN BE TIMELESS
Though the premise was simple, the lessons learned were timeless – and can be used in your life of business or the business of life.
WHO IS ROBERT MCKEE?
Robert McKee is the most widely known and respected screenwriting lecturer in the world today. His STORY Seminar has been taught to over 50,000 screenwriters, filmmakers, TV writers, novelists, industry executives, actors, producers, directors, and playwrights.
Teaching is easy. Results are hard. Robert McKee’s STORY and the stories delivered by his students have garnered;
- 32 Academy Awards – 106+ Nominations
- 168 Emmy Awards – 500+ Nominations
- 21 WGA Awards – 77+ Nominations
- 17 DGA Awards – 48+ Nominations
His former studentsâ accomplishments are unparalleled. Stories written, directed, or produced by students of Robert McKee include:
“Iron Man,” “Angels & Demons,” “WALLâąE,” “Lord of the Rings I, II, III,” “A Beautiful Mind,” “Desperate Housewives”, “CSI, Law & Order,” “Cinderella Man”, “Gates of Fire” (novel), “The Daily Show,” Grey’s Anatomy,” “The Simpsons Movie,” “The DaVinci Code,” “Cars”,” Shrek.” “X-Men 3,” “Million Dollar Baby,” “Ratatouille”,”Finding Nemo,” “Paul Blart: Mall Cop,” “The Last Mimzy,” “Bobby,” “Quantum of Solace,” âThe Color Purple,â âCrimson Tide,â âThe Deer Hunter,â âThe Elephant Man,â âER,â âForrest Gump,â âGandhi,â âM*A*S*H,â âOn Golden Pond,â âSaving Private Ryan,â âRobin Hood: Prince of Thieves,â âSleepless in Seattle,â âThe X-Files,â âA Time to Kill,â âToy Story I and II,â and more.
Robert McKee knows STORY. He wrote the book.
INTERVIEW
Steve (S): How can the principles of Story work in the Complex-Sales presentation? How can it be used to resonate and touch disparate groups with different agendas, goals, and prejudices, while at the same time, connecting the intellect â making good economic business sense?
R: First, why is it so complex?
S: Good question ⊠the complexity of the products and services and the buying committees have forced salespeople to communicate with a lot of different types and groups of people â users, business types, programmers, etc. To accomplish this, it usually turns into a 58-slide PowerPoint presentation laden with meaningless corporate acronyms to address every aspect of the individualâs wants/needs on the buyerâs committee ⊠too much info.
And, the fact of the matter is, there are a lot of products and services that can solve their problems. Thereâs not a lot of difference. The key should be the sales presentation ⊠effectively communicating simply the economic business value and connecting on an emotional level with the people.
R: You know, Iâve been in situations where writers are pitching their stories, right? Theyâre trying to sell their screenplay. Most executives are so busy that they would rather have the writer come in and pitch the story in 10 minutes before they decide whether they want to spend two or three hours reading it. So the pitch has to go well. Iâve seen writers come in and theyâre charming, theyâre funny, they do this brilliant song and dance about their story that they have obviously rehearsed and polished and then tell their story virtually tap dancing on your desk. And I have also had writers come in that were not very good. Not good! They were scared to death. They were very shy. They werenât comfortable around people. They couch and choke their story out and ⊠you know itâs brilliant.
S: But, how, or why, do you know the story is brilliant?
R: Because you listen to the story and no matter how badly the guy performs it, you go âthatâs a great story.â Youâre fascinated by the sudden story surprises and revelations â although the delivery may not be there.
LESSON LEARNED ONE: SMOOTH AND SLICK DON’T ALWAYS STICK
There’s hope for us less-than-smooth-and-slick storytellers and presenters. Great story rules. But you still need to work on your delivery.
S: What about the charming, funny guy?
R: Mr. Charm? You listen to his story and you know heâd better be charming because his story is a piece of crap if you actually listen to whatâs being said. In the great play and the film Death of a Salesman, Willy Loman talked about always having a shine on your shoes and a smile on your face ⊠but heâs a terrible salesman and his family is starving.
LESSON LEARNED TWO:
If youâre out to describe the truth â leave elegance to the tailor. â Albert Einstein
R: But I do know, presuming that the people youâre trying to persuade are intelligent and are actually listening and not being influenced by the charm of the speaker, that thereâs a powerful, compelling way to present effectively. Story.
S: Story? Can you explain what you mean when you say that? How would you incorporate Story principles into the Complex-Sales presentation?
R: There are two choices or methods of presentation. Rhetoric or Story. Itâs all about persuasion, right? Youâre trying to persuade someone to buy something. Or in the Complex-Sales setting, youâre trying to persuade some people at various levels involved in the hierarchy of some organization. Rhetoric is the PowerPoint method where you present evidence in a particular order ⊠or what is known as an inductive argument, right?
S: The difference?
R: Rhetoric is statistics, facts, quotes from authorities, etc. Rhetoric recites this point, this fact, this industry-analyst quote, and then another point, ad infinitum, so, therefore, mine is the best, the greatest, the one, the only, product and service that can do what you need.
S: Yes ⊠so whatâs wrong with that?
R: They know youâre lying! You lie in a rhetorical PowerPoint presentation by presenting the information in the most favorable light possible. The buyer knows youâre lying because the buyer is a businessperson who knows that nothing is that rosy. You quote your industry analysts â theyâll refute your industry analysts with theirs.
LESSON LEARNED THREE:
“I didnât fib! I made a fable, like Aesop and those other guys.â â Dennis the Menace (noted philosopher I quote often)
Don’t lie … fabricate a fabulous fable.
R: Why expose your weaknesses? Why not conceal it? Because if you only give the positive side, they instinctively know youâre lying. Because why? Again, nothing is that good. The deep difference between presenting something rhetorically and creating it in a story⊠is that in a story, it is a dynamic of positive and negative charges.
S: Example?
R: You start up a business and immediately youâve got problems. You overcome those problems and take a step forward, but new problems arise. You find ingenious ways to solve those problems only to discover that you have a competitor whoâs got another product that does it better. You improve your product to be better than your competitor. It goes on. So when you tell a story, you canât just hit positive, positive, positive.
In Story, you cannot hide the negative. Itâs overcoming the negative that makes you powerful. It makes the positive even more positive in the eyes of the person whose hearing the story. Therefore, when you tell a story, admit problems and then dramatize the solution of those problems. Then cause new problems to arise. Dramatize the solution of those problems until you finally get to that positive climax. Because youâre admitting your negatives in front of them, it takes a lot of guts.
LESSON LEARNED FOUR:
Admit the negative. Overcome. Give yourself the power.
R: They sit there saying: âThatâs right. Thatâs true. Thatâs what itâs like to be in a business environment. Itâs not all positive. But this person is showing me how his product or his service will overcome those problems and how I will benefit.â As a result, they feel that theyâre being told the truth.
S: But couldnât you be lying anyway?
R: Yes, you can lie in a story just as well. But when you tell stories, if you lie, the lies become evident quickly because of the interweaving of story and fact. When you tell it in PowerPoint, they know youâre lying. They just donât know where. Thereâs a more important lesson here. You realize, well, thatâs a lie! Thatâs crap. I wouldnât buy that.
LESSONS LEARNED FIVE:
âThe truth is rarely pure, and never simple.â â Oscar Wilde
R: Preparing to tell your business case in a story forces you to confront the lie and search for the truth. You will catch yourself as you prepare for the presentation sloughing over certain problematic things. If youâve got guts, you wonât slough over them. You will admit them.
S: Why? (Am I the master of the one-word question or what?)
R: Because then you will show how even these challenging problems are overcome. When you tell your story honestly, and you donât hide the negative, you tell it well. People sit there with their mouths open going, âmy God, what guts.â Put them in the position to see how the negative is overcome. Youâll gain their trust. And, you will have also impressed the heck out of them because youâre an honest human being who knows the reality. A person who deals in reality, but has honestly dramatized the way in which these problems, that we all, as business people, know exist.
LESSON LEARNED SIX:
Impress them with your honesty. Expose the negatives. Gain their trust.
S: In STORY, you say Paddy Chayefsky told you once that when heâd discovered his storyâs meaning, heâd scratch it out on a scrap of paper and tape it to his typewriter so that nothing going through his typewriter would in one way or another express his central theme. A clear statement of Value and Cause. That seems like a logical first step in any story.
LESSON LEARNED SEVEN:
Discover your storyâs meaning. Make it your clear statement of Value and Cause.
R: Yes. From there youâd take that same rhetorical presentation and dramatize it. Within the story there is rhetoric, there is information. The facts get woven into the story. Weave the information dramatically within a story. Leave them hanging. If you tell them a story thatâs predictable, theyâll get ahead of you and lose interest. Tell a story that pits expectations vs. realities, and the struggles to overcome them. I believe great salespeople are by instinct, storytellers.
LESSON LEARNED EIGHT:
Pit expectations vs. realities. Tell the struggle to overcome. Leave them hanging.
S: And the foundation of a good storytelling Complex-Sales presentation is?
R: Research. The key to winning the war is research, taking time and effort to acquire knowledge. Understanding their problems âŠ
S: Is that what you mean when you describe it as âstorytelling from the inside out?â
R: Yes. You want them empathizing; you want them saying, âmy God heâs telling my story. Thatâs me.â Itâs got to be very personal for them.
LESSON LEARNED NINE:
Understand THEIR problems. Make it personal to them.
S: Could you talk a little about âThe Principle of Creative Limitation?â
R: Itâs exactly the subject weâre talking about. The PowerPoint presentation is easy, thatâs why people do it. Creative limitation means instead of doing something the easy way; you do it the hard way. You take a method that is much more difficult to accomplish. As a result of your struggle as a salesman to accomplish the presentation in the form of a story, you are forcing yourself to be creative. The more difficult you make it for yourself, the more brilliant the solutions you will have to come up with, or you fail. And when you come up with brilliant creative solutions to the presentation, the results for the people, for the audience, are stunning.
LESSON LEARNED TEN:
Make it hard. Force yourself to be creative. It will stun your audience.
R: The principle of creative limitation forces you to do it the hard way. Story is more difficult than PowerPoint there is no question. You have to have a real talent for this, and you have to do it well, or you will look like a fool. That is why people avoid it because they donât have the talent, they donât do the research. They donât know, they donât know how to present it in a living way itâs difficult.
Why is whistling not a Beethoven symphony? Because whistling is easy. A Beethoven symphony is hard. But when you take on the challenge of writing a symphony, the creative solutions are amazing, overwhelming. Whistling is something you can do on the street.
The more difficult the technique, the more brilliant the solution. Another analogy ⊠golf is more difficult than ping-pong. Itâs not that ping-pong isnât good, itâs a lot of fun and at the highest levels, itâs wonderful. But ping-pongers are not Tiger Woods, why? Because the golf swing is infinitely more difficult than hitting a ping-pong ball. Touch football is not tackle.
When you make things easy, the results are boring. When you make things difficult the creative solutions, the concentration, the practice, and the work that has to go into it, forces you to be creative. The results are all the more stunning. PowerPoints, of course, are the natural choice because people do not want to work and they donât want to fail. And so they take what is easy and they think it will be successful. And then, they donât get the sales.
LESSON LEARNED ELEVEN:
Challenge yourself. Do you want to be a whistler ⊠or a Beethoven?
R: And so, when they fail, they blame the product, they blame the buyer for whatever reasons they rationalize theyâre crazy.
S: In your book, you talk about the âGAPâ ⊠what is it, and could this be an effective tool in a Complex-Sales presentation?
R: The world does not react the way you thought it would react. The GAP is between expectation and reality. What do you do? Youâve got to gather yourself and find another solution. When the gap opens up in life, itâs because the negative side of life that you could not anticipate suddenly erupted in the face of your action. Every day you walk into an office expecting cooperation and then one day you get antagonism. The deep difference between Story and PowerPoint is that Story admits to the negative. Admits to the fact that life does not react the way you expect and that is a fundamental difference. The gap is the essence of overcoming the chasm between expectations and reality. PowerPoints, pretend that gaps donât exist. PowerPoints, pretend that the world will react exactly the way you predict.
But what guides you, of course, is that youâre ultimately trying to leave with the buyer one, clear, simple idea you want them to all understand. Not just understand intellectually, but also understand emotionally by the time youâre done.
LESSON LEARNED TWELVE:
A good story connects one simple idea â intellectually and emotionally. It exposes, then overcomes the chasm between expectation and reality.
S: In your book, you said from the â20s to the â50s storytelling was common knowledge. Now itâs a lost art. Is Story really a lost art or is it just not being taught anymore?
R: We went through a terrible cycle of very, very bad education of the writer. Education of the writer/storyteller was turned inside out from the â60s on, but now finally, the light is dawning on people and they see that thereâs a difference. The fundamental difference is between criticism and creativity. Whatâs been taught to writers for the last 40 years was not creativity but criticism. The methods of speech and literature and writing at universities may have been extremely valuable to people who want to be critics, but useless to the writer/storyteller, and in fact, detrimental to the writer.
END OF INTERVIEW
For more information on STORY and the art of storytelling, visit Robert McKee website.
I AM SAM I AM
Sam Horn is the owner of ‘The Intrigue Agency” and a world-renowned Author, Keynote Speaker, communications strategist, and executive coach who has trained the worldâs top entrepreneurs (e.g. EO, YPO, TLC) and executives (e.g. Intel, Cisco, Boeing) how to communicate more clearly, compellingly and convincingly.  She has presented in person to over 500,000 people in various venues.
SAM I AM HAD BUT ONE FAILURE
Sam’s pioneering âPOP! Stand Out in Any Crowdâ book, endorsed by Seth Godin, Ken Blanchard, Mark Sanborn and marketing guru Jeffrey Gitomer (who calls it âa rocket ship to your successâ) introduces an a step-by-step system for creating first-of-their-kind titles, taglines, pitches, brand messages, positioning and marketing copy that get  products and services noticed, remembered and bought.
AND SHE TURNED THAT INTO AN AWARD!
Sam even tried to train me once. And it failed miserably. Probably the only failure Sam has had in her life.  But she creatively harvested gold out of it by creating the incredible SLAP award.  More on that later in this article.
COMMERCIAL TIME OUT!
A warm and hearty thank you to Ms. Sam Horn for her review of the book “The Greatest Words Never Heard.”
âWhat a raw, powerful book. Thank you, Steve, for having the courage to show us that we serve when we dare to share challenging, heart-wrenching experiences.  Anyone going through a dark night of the soul will find this book inspiring.â
BACK TO THE STORY – Â THAT WAS QUICK WASN’T IT?
I have interviewed Ms. Sam on the radio and for a business publication. It was a hoot. I quite possibly am the only person that has made this terrific thinker, speaker and author speechless.  It was this article (below) that stumpfied her with my smellfungus mooncalfery. But, Sam’s wisdom shines through. Read this article and learn”How to Stand Out in Any Crowd.”
HOW NOT TO STAND OUT IN ANY CROWD
You, your product, your service, your company, is good ⊠maybe great. Itâs different, unique, totally rad, awesomeroo and bloggerific. It even (occasionally) delivers real business value; makes an authentic difference in business or life.
But ⊠no one has heard of you.  Youâre one of a kind. You know it. You can prove it. But still, youâre one of a kind that no one knows. No one has ever heard of you. You havenât even heard of you.
You Havenât Even Heard of You!
Not for lack of effort though. Youâve tried to communicate your brilliance, your stupefying, heart-stopping differentiators, your value-laden proposition power pack, but your message gets sucked down the black hole of no return. The dreaded âŠ.
Inbox Out of Control
By âinboxâ Iâm referring to your mental inbox as well as work inbox.
You canât seem to break through ⊠to stand out in this infoglut world 2.0 where the speed of light has finally been surpassed (though Einstein said it wasnât possible, he was never bombarded with electronic corporate gobbledygook) by the cumulative effect of spam scud missiles, instant messages, BlackBerrys, mobile apps, blogging, etc.
Even though you know why youâre different â why youâre special â you canât capture someoneâs attention unless you communicate it so brilliantly it shines and stands out. Everyone gets it instantly. But standing out is getting harder ⊠and easier every day.
Harder because the sheer volume of marketing messages an average person sees a day is almost beyond measure. It used to be that the average American was subjected to 3,000 marketing messages a day â 3,000 marketing messages a day!
Wow. Those were the good old days.
These days, you see that many before noon. How is it getting easier then?
Harharharhar. Just kidding. I lied. Just threw that in to obfuscate. Itâs not getting easier. Sorry. And it wonât get easier. But, with the proper approach, you can reach your goals and âŠ
Capture Customers?
Are there strategies and tactics that can help you break through and stand out? To capture customersâ and prospectsâ attention, hearts, minds and âŠ. (ahem) money?
âMoney, which represents the prose of life, and which is hardly spoken of in parlors without an apology, is, in its effects and laws, as beautiful as roses.â
–Â Ralph Waldo Emerson
Weâll find out from professional speaker and author of âPOP! Stand Out in Any Crowd,â Sam Horn. Samâs books have been endorsed by such luminaries as Stephen R. Covey, Jack Canfield, and Anthony Robbins. But none communicates the essence of the book with such eloquent intellectual simplicity as the testimonial below.
âAs a person who once used a sparking Barbie doll to set fire to a pair of underpants on national television, I can vouch for the importance of standing out from a crowd.  As a friend of Sam Horn’s, I can also vouch for the excellent advice she offers in POP!”  – Pulitzer-Prize winning humorist Dave Barry
BUT FIRST( AND IT’S RELATED) ⊠POP!
Donkey quit. My Donkey quit. Â Just like that â POP â several years of collaborating and co-writing went up in smoke. No more “Shoot the Donkey” stories. Success had gone to his
donkey head. (I wonât comment on the lipstick ⊠but I have heard rumors.) After a series of successful articles that included:  “Shooting the Donkey in the Complex Sales Process … Hollywood Style,â âVeni, Vidi, TirĂ© a dos burros,â âI Came. I Saw. I Shot Two Donkeys,â and âMy Darling, Is That Manure Stick You Have on?, Donkey decided he could make it on his own.
A Donkey in His Own Write
He wanted to be his own donkey and write his own book. Thatâs right, his own book. He didn’t tell me about this until he was almost done.
I took it in stride.
But then decided I wanted (needed) to try to save our relationship. We went to counseling. But every time I brought up “Shoot the Donkey” …
It was just too painful. Counseling didnât work.
When I realized he was determined to quit no matter what and move on with his donkey life, I decided to do the right thing. Try to help him (later I needed some help myself). Donkeyâs book was almost done. It was a compilation of lessons heâd learned from humans. I offered him my help in marketing the book, but Donkey said he didn’t need it. Iâd done enough already.
Ready to Break Through, Stand Out, and Go to Market!
My Donkey already had the plan and his book title,
When he showed me the draft, I didn’t know what to say without hurting his feelings. Except that as much as heâs been around corporate business-speak, he ought to know that if the book was successful, someone would turn the title into an acronym, and well ⊠that might turn out a bit crappy. Donkey discounted that and quickly pointed out that his full name was prominently featured on the cover (unlike his collaborative efforts with me where we were known only by his first name ⊠Donkey). And why was this important? Well, according to Donkey O’Tee, all great, memorable names and slogans incorporated the personâs or companyâs name.
Example:
âOh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, that is what I truly wish to be. ‘Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, everyone would be in love with me.â
He was going to use a similar strategy â though he quite hadnât figured it out yet â to market his book.
Example:
Oh, I wish I were a Donkey O’Tee wiener, that is what I truly wish to be ⊠be ⊠be.
I asked him if he knew what happened to weiners (hot dogs)?
Donkey was horrified. He quickly moved on to his next example, from the insurance industry. He asked me if I knew âŠ
âYouâre in Good Hands with …â
âAllstate, of course,â I answered. But, I didnât think that would work for him either.
Didnât ring, resonate or POP! Not to mention the hoofs vs. hands issue.
âBut what,â I asked,â is your book really about?â
âYou donât know? Canât you tell by the title? Itâs the âIdiotâs Guide to Business Survival.â Itâs my elevator spiel. I mean you humans excel at making the simple complex, the complex unknowable, and the unknowable entertainingly hilarious! And, you do it was such pompous profligate proliferating panache that to succeed in business today, even to keep your job, you need to know how to excel at âŠ
âPompously Obfuscating on Purpose?â
Yes! You see ⊠a bestseller in the making!â said Donkey O’Tee. âGo to any business website, read any business report, letter, brochure, advertisement or marketing message ⊠itâs undeniable. To survive in the humanâs business world today, you have to be able to âŠ
âPompously Obfuscate on Purpose.â I echoed with dismal dismay.
âLess is not more! Less is out of a job. More is less. More is needed all of the time. More of more and less of less, more or less!â brayed Donkey O’Tee hilariously. âAnd ⊠Iâm going to get all kinds of media coverage, you know why?
âWhy?â
âYou heard that song by the famous female songwriter Bonnie Braitt?â
âYou mean Bonnie Raitt?
âNo, You having trouble hearing? Bonnie Braitt.â
âWhat song?â
âIâm going to give them something to bray about!â
For once, I was speechless. Though Donkey had made some excellent points, I still felt duty-bound, nonetheless, to seek out some expert advice on his behalf. For Donkey O’Tee to succeed, he had to stand out (and not just in a field) to capture national and international media attention.
ENTER:Â I Am Sam Horn I Am
Sam is a professional speaker and author of âPOP! Stand Out in Any Crowd.â Sam is also the author of several well-reviewed books from major publishers including âTongue Fu!Âź,â âConZentrate,â âWhat’s Holding You Back?,â and âTake the Bully by the Horns.â These have been sold around the world (China, Japan, Argentina, France, and Germany); favorably reviewed in dozens of publications including Publishers Weekly, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, Investors Business Daily, Foreign Service Journal, and Readers Digest, and endorsed by many best-selling authors including Stephen R. Covey, Anthony Robbins, Jeffrey Fox, Susan Jeffers, Dave Pelzer, Susan Forward, Rabbi Harold Kushner, Richard Carlson, and John Gray.
Steve: Welcome. I have this friend. Heâs writing a book and needs to learn, well âŠ
Sam: To ⊠learn how to break out instead of blend in?
Steve: Youâve got it. What is POP!, and why is it important?
Sam: POP! is a system of 25 techniques I’ve developed that can help ANYONE create attention-grabbing titles, taglines, and tell ‘n sell descriptions for their company, cause, campaign, and creation. Itâll let them break out instead of blend in.
POP! is crucial to success because people today are BB.
Steve: BB?
Sam: They’re BUSY. They have hundreds of things competing for their attention. They’re BORED. They’ve heard and seen it all – or at least, they think they have.
âMy own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people’s.â – Oscar Wilde
What that means is, we have 30 seconds to get their favorable attention. If what we have to say and sell is not Purposeful, Original, or Pithy, they’re on to the next thing.
POP!
Purposeful. Original. Pithy. In 30 seconds or less.
Steve: In 30 seconds or less?
Sam: Make a long elevator speech short by Cliff Noting it into one sentence. The more you try to explain what you do or what you have to offer, the more confused people will become.
“My grandfather invented Cliff Notes. It was, well, … to make a long story short.”
– Steven Wright
Instead of going on at length, compare your job or offering to something with which people are familiar and fond. For example, I was in Denver, CO with my sons for a speaking engagement. We had the night free, so I asked our hotel concierge to suggest a fun place we could go.
He said, “You’ve got to go to D & B’s.” We were from Maui at the time and had no idea what he was referring to. We asked, “What’s D & B’s?” He said, “It’s a Chuck E. Cheese for adults.” Voila. We knew exactly what it was and wanted to go there because of his perfect “Cliff Notes” description.
Steve: I get it. (See how purposeful, original, and pithy my responses are?)
“Operator! Give me the number for 911!” – Homer Simpson
Sam: In the book, this is called “The Valley Girl Technique.” It provides specific ways to compare what you do to a popular movie, song, book, or person to create a tell’ n sell elevator intro that gets your project’s foot in people’s mental door.
Steve: How do you come up with a memorable name or slogan? (I didn’t tell her about âPompously Obfuscate on Purposeâ yet because, though memorable it may be, itâs in an infamy kind-a-way.)
Sam: One of the best ways to make your name or slogan memorable is to use alliteration. Alliteration is when words start with the same sound. It makes your language lyrical, makes you instantly eloquent, and gives peoplesâ minds a hook on which to hang a memory.
Say these words out loud.
Bed, Shower, and Toilet
Boom radio
Dirt Satan
Good Purchase
Dunkin Croissants
Rolls Jaguar
Steve: Now Iâm hungry, sleepy, jiggy, and have to go âŠ
Sam: They don’t POP! do they? They sound commonplace, and they’d be difficult to remember.
Now say these words out loud.
Bed, Bath, and Beyond
Boom Box
Dirt Devil
Best Buy
Dunkin Donuts
Rolls Royce
Hmm ⊠they fit together, don’t they? Alliteration produces “ear music,” which has a nice ring and resonance, which means your brand name will linger longer in peoplesâ minds.
Alliterate. Produce “ear music” with a nice ring and resonance and … your brand name will linger longer in peoplesâ minds.
Steve: To stand out, you almost have to be one of a kind, or at least be perceived that way. What’s one of the best ways individuals and organizations can become one of a kind instead of one of many?
Sam: The best way to become one of a kind is to coin a word for your business, brand, or book that belongs to you and you alone. One way to do that is to use one of the 25 POP! techniques called Alphabetizing. Write down ten words you frequently use to pitch your project, product, or program. Those are your “Core Words.” Now, run each of those words through the alphabet, changing the sound of the first syllable to match the corresponding letter. I used this technique to create the trademarked term of Tongue Fu! – the verbal form of Kung Fu!
Tongue-Fu: Martial Arts for the Mind and Mouth
Tongue Fu! is martial arts for the mind and mouth. If you run Tongue Fu! through the alphabet, you come up with even more variations.
Fun Fu! is how to handle hassles with humor instead of harsh words.
Run Fu! is for when Tongue Fu! doesn’t work.
Tongue Glue is knowing when to keep your mouth shut.
Tongue Sue! is for lawyers.
Young Fu! is for kids.
These proprietary phrases could become articles, chapters in a book, or presentations for targeted audiences.
See how this works? Instead of competing with everyone else, your one-of-a-kind term turns you into the go-to resource because YOU are the sole provider of that particular item.
Steve: What’s one POP! technique anyone can use to help their ideas and offerings break out instead of blend in?
Create a Half and Half Word
Sam: Use what I call a Half and Half Word to go to the head of the class and become THE topic expert on your product or profession.
That’s what Dr. Francine Kaufman did by naming a cultural phenomenon that was taking place in the medical world. She noticed that more and more children were coming into her office diagnosed with diabetes. The link between diabetes and obesity had been known for years, however, no one had linked them in language until she did by coining the term Diabesity. By creating a one-word name for this condition, she got an impressive book deal and quickly became THE topic expert that media called first for interviews.
You can create your own Half and Half Word by getting a fresh piece of paper and drawing a vertical line down the center, dividing the paper into two columns. Now, start describing the different aspects of your cause, company, creation, or campaign â putting half the words on the left and half the words on the right.
For example, if you were opening a fusion restaurant that combined a mix of ethnic foods, you could write common words from one culture on the left and popular phrases from the other culture on the right. Now, take the first half of a word on the left and match it with the last half of the words on the right. Then take the first half of the next word on the left and match it with the last half of the words on the right, and so on. Keep playing with different combinations until you come up with one that POP!s â ala Ciao Mein, the perfect name for an Italian-Chinese bistro.
Steve: Got it. Piece of cake.
âI know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.â – Robert McCloskey
Steve: What are a couple of laugh-out-loud examples of products that POP!d off the shelf because of their catchy name?
Sam: Here are a couple of my favorite examples of products that POP!d out of the pack because of their catchy names.
Diddle Daddle Piddle Paddle With a Saddle.Â
A father liked to get down on all fours and give his toddler a “horsy-back ride” around the living room, but his son kept falling off. So, he invented a human saddle he could cinch around his waist that had a safety belt so his son could ride to his heart’s content.
What to call this? Run “saddle” through the Alphabet and what do you come up with? That’s right. DADDLE.
Smitten by Smittens
A couple liked to go for a walk after dinner, but they lived in the Northeast and would freeze their fingers when it snowed. They created a co-joined mitten they could both put their hands in so they could keep their hands warm on their wintry walks. Their clever name? SMITTENS.
You may be thinking, “So what? Do catchy names drive sales?”
You bet it does.
Those clever products were featured in humor columnist Dave Barry’s annual December columns which feature interesting products that have been brought to his attention by his many fans. His column is syndicated in hundreds of newspapers around the country, which means MILLIONS of people now know about Daddle and Smittens.
Steve: Last question. (I pulled a draft of Donkey O’Teeâs book out to show her.) Iâm going to run the title of my friendâs book by you. Could you give me your immediate response? If it POPS! or not?
âAnyone who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood.â – H. L. Mencken
Sam: Sure.
Steve: âPompously Obfuscate on Purpose.â
âThis is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.â
– Dorothy Parker
Silence. Pretty deep silence. Complete silence one might say.
âFrom the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.â – Groucho Marx
Steve: It has purpose. Itâs original. Itâs quite pithy.
Sam: Ahem. Itâs not quite the POP Iâm talking about. More like how NOT to stand out in any crowd.
Steveâs face droops, deleteriously depressed for donkey.
Sam: However. It is something Iâm writing about in my next book.
Steveâs face perks up. Visionaries â Donkey and he.
Sam: SLAP!
Steve: SLAP?
###
About Sam Horn
Sam is a respected author of well-reviewed books from major publishers including âTongue Fu!Âź,â âConZentrate,â âWhat’s Holding You Back?,â and âTake the Bully by the Horns,â all from St. Martins Press. These have been sold around the world (China, Japan, Argentina, France, and Germany); favorably reviewed in dozens of publications including Publishers Weekly, Library Journal, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, Investors Business Daily, Foreign Service Journal, Dallas Morning News, and Readers Digest, and endorsed by many bestselling authors including Stephen R. Covey, Anthony Robbins, Jeffrey Fox, Susan Jeffers, Dave Pelzer, Susan Forward, Rabbi Harold Kushner, Richard Carlson, and John Gray.
Sam is a frequent media guest who has been interviewed on every major network (NBC, ABC, CBS, and FOX) and on dozens of radio shows including National Public Radio and Dr. Laura. Her work has even been featured on Jay Lenoâs âTonight Showâ and âTo Tell The Truth,â where she and her Tongue Fu!Âź team stumped the panel.
Contact:
Sam Horn, Author/Speaker/Consultant
Office E-mail [email protected]
E-mail Sam Horn at [email protected]
 About Steve:
Do you need to know any more after that? really? Thankfully Sam Horn pulled it out for me. Steve eventually quit writing with the Donkey – they only speak at a local bar called “The Whiner Diner.” Though losing Donkey O’Tee as a writing partner cost him financially Steve has regained most of that income by modelings Kilts in his spare-time (he does not claim it to be a high-paying job).
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