I see a lot of business presentations. Some are great. Some are good. And …

THE FETID SIDE OF FLUTTERING FLATULENCE

Some are on the fetid side of a fluttering gust of 4,000 year-old Egyptian Mummy flatulence.

MY OWN STINKEROOS

Yes, I stink too. I’ve done a lot of damage over the years with some seriously pungent presentation stinkeroos.

astinker

I never, ever, ever-never ask to do a presentation. It’s forced on me. Like taxes. But, I’m constantly invited to them for business reasons unknown to me. Over the last couple years I’ve noticed business presentations now almost always follow the same format. The company (and presenter) is great … everyone says so. Everyone loves them. The industry analysts. The customers. The press.  And, if you don’t buy from them, you’re stupid (by inference).  The presentation is all about them – at least the first 60-180 PPT. slides are. Right around business closing time they get around to asking you “What keeps you up at night? “What problem are you trying to solve?”

DEEP THINKER

adeepthinker-250x187

Now I’m a pretty deep thinker. I swim in intellectual seas deep as most parking lot puddles, but this approach always perplexes me. What keeps me up at night?  Besides having to sit through another business presentation you mean? Because that’s what I’m thinking  by then. Just once I’d like to attend a business presentation where they start with a question … about the problem or issues that need to be solved. Whatever they may be.

STEVE’S A HATER!

Do I sound like a hater?  I’m not. Do I hate all business presentations? No. There aren’t many things I rather do than sit through a business presentation. Except for maybe being boiled in oil. Or, being buried alive. Or maybe straddling and sliding down a 200-ft razor blade into a pool of rubbing alcohol.

GLUTEUS-MAXIMUS SALES 2.OH-NO VOMITUS ERUPTUS

Below is an Animotorized Cartoon-torial of a standard corporate business presentation, AKA … Gluteus-Maximus Sales 2.-Oh-No Vomitus Eruptus, as seen through the eyes of the victim (audience).